i don't really have much to say tbh. it's just been a minute since i've updated on here and thought i should pop back on lol. hmm last week of classes was this last week, so it's finals time now. high key a bit bit of an academic flop semester for me oopsies. rip to my perfect 7.0 gpa. at least i've got some padding for the inevitable tanking of it... gotta try and claw my way back to something acceptable with my final papers i guess. might try to meet with the prof for the class i've especially struggled with (qualitative research methods... it just doesnt make sense to me...). supervisor says i'm on track for my thesis, so yay. just gotta fr fr lock in with the stats part of it over the break.
talked to this girl from classes i havent seen in a few weeks. she was telling me about this date she went on with this guy from our shared class and she mentioned how it was the first time since she had been on a date with anyone since the ones she and i went on and i was like ???? what dates??? turns out those 3 hangouts were dates and i am blind. oopsies lol. i feel bad bc my "review" i left on my site for the movie we went out and watched together i'm pretty sure was "well that's two hours of my life i'll never get back." i feel a bit bad but it simply would not have worked out.
what else? got my flu shot so yay. haven't been outside much lately. going to try to go to the sunday markets tomorrow/today morning. been making couscous bowls rather than rice bowls lately. good stuff. couscous+roasted sweet potato+cucumber+spinach+balsamic dressing. yum. extra good if i can steal some kind of protein from the Guy (let's call him C). however, i am missing my rice bowls, despite eating them pretty much every dinner for 3 months straight. rice+roast broccoli and sweet potato+green onion+cucumber+tinned salmon+kewpie+lao gan ma. do it.
been learning enough spanish to understand when C's mum on the phone is asking about me lol. so far only been good things lmao so that's a relief. especially funny when i hear her use nicknames but also makes me wonder why on earth she knows about specific diminuatives he has called me by hmmm. in what kind of conversation does that come up? anyways. good luck to me this exam season and to anyone else in the same boat!!
yooo guess who is getting like actually visible abs. i thought i noticed them the other day and got so excited but also thought that maybe i was maybe just delusional, but then like 2 days ago mr guy was like,, wait do you have abs and i was like omg.. it's finally paying off. all those core exercises and losing a couple of pounds were for a good cause. low-key my arms are getting really defined too in a way that is too ego boosting. now the only problem is my face lmao howww do i stop getting acne at my old age T-T i feel like i've served my time, y'know? need my hormones to stop nerfing me
it's like 11pm on the 21st but i will be up a little while longer so i'm counting this as both days. regarding last entry's fling, i think we are in a relationship now. ok confession time. around when i was 10 i realised that i was only into girls and not guys. i didn't know what a lesbian was at the time (i somehow understood that guys could be gay but despite my mother's best attempts at being an enthusiastic ally circa 2011, the concept still escaped me. sorry, ellen D.) and i think rather wisely thought "huh weird. sounds like a problem for older me to figure out," which i did and left it at that until like, 2023. while there was no particular person that sparked this question, i nonetheless started wondering if i could potentially be attracted to guys. decided to do nothing about it, because this is me we are talking about, but decided that if the opportunity arose (without dating apps lol i simply refuse to try them out), i would see what that was all about and then let the evidence speak for itself. and yeah well that happened around the start of the semester. started talking to this guy during the move-in period, and then at the start of the semester we went out for real and have been seeing each other frequently since then and had official relationship-defining discussions lol. i don't have much more to say on the topic, but i am very happy. i feel like a lot more things about myself are clicking into place. it's nice to not be questioning myself or my identity or what i want anymore now that I have confirmation that yes, i like and want this. so consider this my second coming out in life - this time as bi. lesbians, thanks for the great 12ish years, and much love to y'all lol. also if my brother is reading this, keep your mouth zipped <==}- i'll get around to telling mum soon...
mannn what's even happening. too insanely busy to do anything and yet also seemingly not getting anything done. constantly antsy and nauseous. had a while there i was walking like 10-20k a day to try and stay sane. now back to my regular 5k. probably had like 5 meals over the last 3 weeks that werent yogurt, oats, or grapes. had a bizarro fling thing that i think is over now but huh that was interesting. #celibacy era temporarily over yippee. probably not going to be as active on here as i used to on account of this fucking thesis that i am currently very much regretting. the only way out is through!!! unless...? no. the only way out is through *thumbs up*
wish i was feeling more normal!!! just got to put in the work hhh
ok next morning update: fling not over lmao. let's see how this goes.
yayay back in my favourite city with my friends woohoo! missed it here so much it's crazy waah. so much walking around in the cold it's been great. weird walking past my old apartments. been eating the foods i've missed so much hhhhh such good cafes. your sandwich experience will always be inferior to mine until you have had the poulet panko from ***** ****. sorry. finally went to the club and it was all i wanted it to be haha. had a great time ice skating, got an amazing shirt from a thrift store (speedo shirt from 1995) and also a really cool long, structured black skirt. i don't think i've worn a skirt since probably kindergarten and i usually hate the very idea of them, but this one spoke to me... it seems to be from a german brand and i was desperately trying to use the scraps of internet my phone could latch on to at the vintage place to look up EU to US sizing and was amazed to find that it was my exact size. i need to fix up one button, but other than that it fits perfectly.
by some miracle, my time here coincided with a showing of The Fall (2006) at a theater i've been wanting to go to for years! it was so amazing to finally see it on the big screen and in its beautiful 4K glory. I also noticed a tiny scene was added to the restored version (like 10 seconds long) that isn't in the version i've watched a few times online. my friend last minute bought a ticket too and she loveddd it. she says its a top 10 film and we talked about it the whole walk back to her apartment. we started chatting with the other last person to leave the theater (we watched untill the end of the credits) about just how amazing it is. I was worried about "the mortifying ideal of being known" with her seeing my favourite movie, but i guess it all worked out, so yay!
went out yesterday to get groceries for our Lunar New Year dinner tonight (it's a day early but alas people are beholden to the school/work schedule and it worked better). going to make stir fried rice cakes. i like to make it other times of the year but i usually have it w/ eggplant and mushrooms, but this time it's just bok choy, scallions, mushrooms, and bean sprouts. on the way back, i trecked through the deep snow to get to a picnic table in the middle of the park and listed to Jeff Buckley's Grace album. truly a perfect experience. the sun starting to go down, lightly snowing, wind whipping up little snow devils (idk if that's what you would call them. dust devils but with the loose powdered snow on the ground), and watching the cross on the mountain.
being back here has kind of solidified that i don't know if i can live somewhere long-term that doesnt get snow. also just like,, i miss living in an actual big and cool city. i need to live in australia for at least one more year, both to finish my degree and also so that if i have kids and my partner isn't australian, i will be able to pass my citizenship on to them, but like,,, i feel like maybe i should be thinking about living in canada longterm. rough it out in alberta or saskatchewan for a few years to earn my little resident points or whatever and then move east... i just need to learn french for realzies. sad!